Breaking up is hard to do

Saying you will never meet anyone seems petulant and childish to most people. When I used to say it at the age of 20 it was considered ridiculous, or worse, a self fulfilling prophesy: if I was alone it would be my own fault because I was putting all this negative energy out there, which my potential boyfriends would pick up on and run a mile.

I'm nearly 30 now and haven't had a meaningful relationship in that time. But that's not because I'd closeted myself off 10 years ago. In fact I've been as persistent in the search for someone as anyone could be. 

Of course people would tell me that looking is a sure fire way to never find him. "It'll come along when you're not looking". Just how I always find my keys/underwear/remote when I'm not looking? 

I understand the logic in both conclusions. Undoubtedly if every time I'm on a date I tell the guy I'm going to die alone he's going to get mixed messages, and possibly see me as harder work than he'd like: why should he have to convince me we're together?  And we probably do find our keys when we're not looking, and also miss things right under our nose when we're frantically, fanatically ripping apart the sofa (I've never heard of anyone actually throwing a baby out with the bath water, but you get the point).


But they're both easy platitudes that get tossed out when people want to say something to help, and the reality is that they come across as sounding superior.  Being on your own can make you feel lonely, and ultimately lead you to feel a lack of worth.  Continual rejection from dates tends to exacerbate those feelings, and also do irreparable damage to your confidence and ability to put yourself out there again.  Eventually one can find oneself treading down the path towards depression, which is a difficult place to leave.

We need to find compassion for one another, and respect the feelings of pain that being single and being rejected can bring.  It may be better to tell someone you understand, and that you're there for them, rather than try to offer advice.

So in giving up on love, it is no surprise that the first step will be hard, because it will be a compounding of many of these emotions, and feel like opening a large void.  But the step is one of compassion for oneself; it is realising that all the pain over all those years has been hard, and you are making a positive choice to look after yourself.

You are saying goodbye to a wish for someone else to come with love, and hello to loving yourself.

Become love, and you will never be without it again.